Saturday, September 17, 2005

Cause for Paws Doggie Dash 5k

I knew I was doing something special today when Chicken Boy gave me only part of my breakfast. Usually that means I'm going for a ride in the car to play with the jumps and tunnels in some big park somewhere or maybe up high in the mountains to chase tree rats. But early this morning Chicken Boy took Cody somewhere and left me with Tennis Ball Girl who was just lying around on her ass. I wasn't happy about this and started to mope. After a while I got really fed up and told Tennis Ball Girl to get a move on. Well, that lit a fire under her ass and suddenly she was running from room to room, throwing clothes around and looking for things in a very disorganzied manner. If only she'd calmed down and remembered to use her nose to find whatever she was looking for she would have been fine. Honestly, it's a good thing she doesn't have an important job like herding sheep or sniffing out bombs because she'd be a total disaster. Anyway, she continued in her chaos, running around with the foaming stick hanging out of her mouth, rubbing creamy stuff on her arms and gathering up piles of useless crap into a plastic bag. Finally she put on her special shoes which meant we were going for a run, though I couldn't understand why it was such a big fuss this morning.

We got in the car which probably meant we were going to chase tree rats in the mountains but pretty soon we were going the wrong way. I got out of the car and there were lots of other dogs but no jumps or tunnels so I was a little confused but finally I remembered where we were-the crazy race place. The last two times when the days started getting shorter and cooler we came to this place and ran a big race with lots of other dogs and humans. The other times we had a lot of waiting around before the race and I had plenty of time for the porta potties but this time we ran out of the car with Tennis Ball Girl in a near panic and started the race right away. It's o.k. for her, she has indoor plumbing. I just hoped I wouldn't have a code brown.

I'm pretty competitive and fast but Tennis Ball Girl doesn't quite understand the concept of a race. She lags behind me, taking her sweet time and letting all the slower, couch potato dogs get way in front of me. I pull as hard as I can but this boat just won't go any faster. Last time we weren't too far behind but today we're going even slower and we're way at the back. No PR for me today, that's for sure. We run up and down a bunch of streets that all look the same with big ugly buildings and not enough grass or tree rats. Finally we get to stop and I have a nice roll around on my back in the nice cool grass. Tennis Ball Girl has looked better and it's a slooooooow walk back to the car. I don't mind though since it gives me a chance for some more roll arounds and I can relive the race with the other dogs who just finished.

After some water at the car we go to the place where I first met Tennis Ball Girl but we don't go inside. There's lots of other tired dogs and humans there but I feel like I've only had a warm up and I'm pretty excited. There are rows of tables with humans behind them who will give you lots of treats if you look real cute and bat your eyes the right way. By now I really know how to work the crowd. Tennis Ball Girl goes into conniptions because some of the humans give me lots and lots of big cookies and I gobble them all down before she can do anything about it. Mmmm mmm, I love the post race grub. There are huge trays full of pancakes but Tennis Ball Girl takes only two. I swear, opposable thumbs are wasted on the wrong species. She gives me just one measly piece, how stingy can you get. But it's wonderful, full of greasy butter and sweet sticky syrup. I never get stuff like this at home.

One of the tables has a huge stack of tennis balls-lovely, fuzzy, bouncy tennis balls. The sight of them makes me crazy and I jump on the table spitting drool everywhere while trying to get at them. To be honest, I think I might have a problem. I thought I could stop anytime but after that display I'm starting to wonder. Tennis Ball Girl turns red, takes only ONE (a nice pink one though), and apologizes for me.

Next it's on to the massage tables for a bit of pampering but hey, I deserve it. I'm not too sure I trust this woman but Tennis Ball Girl assures me she's reputable and specializes in doggie sports massage so I relax and let her do her thing. Tennis Ball Girl tries to talk her into a massage but she shoos her away and calls the next dog over. She's so embarrassing, I can't take her anywhere.

After chatting with some of my neighbor friends and working the crowd for a few more treats I decide I've had enough and it's time to go. Tennis Ball Girl looks like she'll sleep well tonight and probably won't need a second walk. On the way to the car I spot one of those blonde airhead dogs lying in a doggie pool. How undignified and unhygenic! Somehow the humans think this is cute and he's getting lots of attention. I can't believe those stupid humans are so easily amused.

Once I got home I told Cody all about the great time he missed but he just ignored me and tried to suck up to Tennis Ball Girl. He's so whipped. I wasn't really all that tired but I thought a post race nap would be good for recovery.

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